"Lord, I am yours; I do yield myself up entirely to you, and I believe that you do take me. I leave myself with you. Work in me all the good pleasure of your will, and I will only lie still in your hands and trust you. Amen"(The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah Whitall Smith)
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Do you ever just go out and watch people and listen to their conversations? I know this maybe sounds creeper-ish, but it is so interesting. There are so many different types of people out there, all with different personalities, different dreams, different hopes and fears... and each with a different story. Since I've been down here, I've had a lot of alone time- time to go out and think, listen, and just figure out myself and other people. It's so great to discover different ways of life. One place that I've recently discovered is this great coffee shop on Main street. (This is where I'm writing from right now.) I come here often by myself when I'm not working, and just think, read, write, or listen. I love the atmosphere of this place- it's one of those awesome hipster places that's super layed-back with quiet chill music playing in the background. Just a great place to come and think and listen, even try and hear what God is saying. But the people are just amazing to me. Such diversity! So many different walks of life are represented in this place. I don't know any of them by name... I don't know any of their stories. So I wonder who they are... what are their lives like?
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Anyway, as I sit and observe and listen, I think to myself, 'How many of these people love the life they're living? What are they living for? They have to be living for something or someone... what is it? Where do their priorities lie? Are they happy?
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"We tend to use God instead of seek him. We want God to do our bidding more than we want him." (When the Pieces Don't Fit by Glaphre Gilliland)
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I guess the reason I think these things is because I can't imagine my life without God. I've tried so many times to go my own way. Yeah, I said I believed and was a Christian, but I didn't really live it. I had zero trust. My faith was so little. I wanted God in my life, but I still wanted to run it. I do not want to go back to this person ever! I was living a miserable life- where in my mind I had my life planned out, how I wanted it to go. Maybe this sounds great to you... maybe it sounds amazing to run your own life, but it is the most depressing, fearful, anxious life you could ever live. You go to sleep at night worrying if what you have planned for the next day is really going to go the way you want. You try to control the actions of everyone around you for your own benefit, but really you end up losing the people you really care about. I don't ever want to lose the people I love again due to my selfish, fearful living. I want to live with purpose, only listening to God's voice. I want to go to bed each night knowing that the next day will come if God wants it to and He will allow what he wants to happen to happen. I want to wake up every morning in awe of his mercies that never fail- 'they are new every morning because he loves me that much! Great is his faithfulness!' Why would I ever live for myself knowing this? Yeah, I live in a selfish, sinful place and I struggle every single day. I have control issues. I have to constantly tell myself I am not in control! And let me tell you, this life is way too complex for any human being to control- I don't care how smart or wise you are... we are incapable of such a task. God is Supreme- he can control it... he will control it! To me, this is probably the most refreshing thing, because it means I can just sit back and enjoy the ride that God has planned for me.
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"Whatever the great human enterprise currently in hand, the point is to watch. All the rest is agenda. Seeking the kingdom is the essential integer." (And the Trees Clap Their Hands by Virginia Stem Owens)
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So as I look around this coffeehouse, I wonder how many people are running their own life. I look at the business men reviewing paperwork with one another, I look at the moms out for a relaxing lunch by themselves, I look at the quiet college student studying intently in the corner, I listen as an interview is being conducted behind me... and wonder where are these people. It is my prayer that each one of them knows or come to know a life that is so worth living.
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"He can't be used as a road. If you're approaching Him not as a goal, but as a road, not as the end, but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all."(A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis)
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I've just been so inspired by Pastor Smith so far at New City. He is a great man who speaks the truth about the gospel and really touches the hearts of the whole congregation. Yesterday, he continued on his sermon on Supremacy. God is creator of all things... all things need his saving! All creation needs his saving! And because of His great love for us, he wiped away our selfishness, our wanting to live for ourselves and views us as blameless, not blame-able. Wow. By his precious blood- we are saved. How incredible. How am I going to respond to this love? I hope to accept it with overflowing thankfulness in my heart. I hope to live my life for the one who died for me. I want to be hot for God... because there is no lukewarm. You're either in or you're out. There is no in-between. I can't say I'm in but only give a little piece of my life over to God. I want to be all in! I want to let him drive the bus or fly the plane, because I want to see everything He has in store for me.
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Today at work my uncle Dale broke his ankle. :[ He was walking at a job site and fell into a hole in the ground, drove himself to the emergency room and had everything checked out. Despite the bad news, my aunt and uncle were talking tonight at supper that it was good timing and that they're glad it didn't happen when they were going to go to Michigan. Way to look at the positive side of things! Just please pray for him as he recovers and may need to have surgery. It is a huge life change as of right now for him and my aunt, because they are so active around the community and love to go walking after Dinner every night. It's really sad that he won't be able to do all the fun things we're going to do when my family is down here, but I'm sure we will all still have a great time! Please also pray for my family as they are on their way down right now and I am so excited to spend a week with them in Chatt. I can't wait to show them around this awesome city and my new life. Thanks again for all your support and prayers- I can feel them all!
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(Had a great time making dinner tonight for my aunt and uncle... been wanting to try this recipe out for a long time!)
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