Unloveable

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Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth is 'ugly.' It is depressing being reminded by friends and family of the 'ugly truth.' I suppose that is what they are here to do though; to hold you accountable, to make sure you're living to your fullest potential and that you're following through with everything you had promised. This past week I was reminded of a promise I had made to someone that I had broken. I told someone I would try, work hard, and give everything I had to make a situation work and I didn't. I didn't want to try. I was exhausted from trying and just wanted to live without the stress of trying to 'make amends' with the 'enemy.' I felt like I had done nothing wrong and that I was not the one to blame- so I walked away. Sometimes it is so much easier to hate, to put no effort into loving someone who may seem unloveable. This is one of my biggest struggles. Often when confronted with a difficult situation, I run away- leaving behind the people I care about because I wasn't willing to give it my all and try to work it out with the 'enemy.' I often can't see past 'goliath' standing in the way... when peace is right on the other side.

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I have a problem with forgiveness. It is hard for me to 'Let Go and Let God.' For some reason it is in me to hold onto bitterness, hate, jealousy, envy, or hostility. I guess it gives me a sense of control. Since I'm mad or bitter toward someone- I feel some sort of power over the enemy, when in reality, they are the ones holding the key to my emotions.
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My heart needs renewal. My heart needs to be revived. In order that I may view the truth with thankfulness- no matter how ugly or challenging. To be able to tackle my challenges with perseverance instead of forgoing them. Something within my very soul needs to remind me of an innocent, perfect, man dying on a cross with nails pounded into his hands and feet, and blood running down his sides for me. Something in me has to feel a Love so deep and so wide and so high and so long... an incomprehensible love that knows no end. How could the Mighty King lay down His life for a sinner, a jealous, envious, bitter person who by nature despises Him and leads Him to death? 'How great is the love the Father lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!' How Great. His Love is so BIG... it covers me and it covers you. He does not treat us how our sins should be treated. There is a love so deep and evident, and yet I have a problem loving my brothers and sisters.
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I saw the musical 'Godspell' yesterday with my aunt. Although this musical is supposedly controversial or maybe even sacreligious- I was reminded of some great teachings Jesus preached. One of those comes from Matthew 6, where He basically says that if you can't forgive someone who wronged you, how is the Father in Heaven going to forgive your sins? Lets just say it hit home for me.
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So why is it so hard to forget grudges and stay in the bondage of bitterness? There is a God that sees me every second of my life. He knows my secrets, my thoughts, my feelings and loves me despite. But I have to be willing to love those around me the way He loves me. No matter how unloveable a person is, I have to love them because He loves me! They are part of His kingdom- He created them, and He created me to love them.
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"The House of God stretches from one corner of the universe to the other. Sea monsters and ostriches live in it, along with people who pray in languages I do not speak, whose names I will never know. I am not in charge of this House, and never will be. I have no say about who is in and who is out. I do not get to make the rules. Like Job, I was nowhere when God laid the foundations of the earth. I cannot bind the chains of the Plieades or loose the cords of Orion. I do not even know when the mountain goats give birth, much less the ordinances of the heavens. I am guest here, charged with serving other guests- even those who present themselves as my enemies. I am aloud to resist them, but as long as I trust in one God who made us all, I cannot act as if they are no kin to me. There is only one house. Human beings will either live in it together or we will not survive to hear its sigh of relief when our numbered days are done." (An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor)
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I think of the south in Martin Luther King Jr.'s day. How far we've come and thank goodness! But there was a time when racism, discrimination, and segregation were a part of everyday life. African Americans were treated like property or animals and were separated from the rest of society without thought. There was so much hate, so much bitterness built up between the races, yet Martin Luther King Jr. preached on loving your enemies. This amazes me. Think of how the blacks were treated and yet he still preached on love, because that is what the bible clearly says to do.
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"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.
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Yesterday, Pastor Smith preached yet another great, inspiring sermon about God's Spirit dwelling among us and living in us. He breathes life into our dead bones and gives us the power to live according to His ways. It is impossible to live the life intended for us without this spirit. Pastor Smith talked about having a faith that isn't passage, but active. He has a dream for the church to be more than just a group of people that get together in a building every Sunday, but to be involved, to reach out, to love one another. How can we be a church if we are not loving? But we can't do this on our own! We have to pray that we won't just pass opportunities by to love, to forgive, and to reach out. This is God's command for us! We have to pray that He gives us the Spirit in order to love the way He intended us to. We, by sinful, human nature have it in us to hate, to be jealous, envious, and bitter. But by His incredible Spirit, we are given the capability to Love.

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This passage is one of the most challenging verses, but I pray that God gives me the strength to love like this...

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement: In this world we are like Jesus. there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister." 1 John 4:7-21