Sunset

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I never knew that sitting atop Lookout Mountain on Saturday night, watching the sunset would have represented such a great symbol in my life. Here I was, saying goodbye to this place that I love. I was watching the sunset for the last time, closing in on this wonderful chapter of my life. I watched the sun sneak behind the mountain, taking in the last few warm rays of Tennessee, and leaning in close to the man who loves me enough to travel a couple hundred miles to see me and take me home.

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I have never felt so many emotions in one week. One second I am going out for supper with my small group down in Chatt. at Taco Mamacita, joking around and having a great time, next I'm picking Justin up from the shuttle station with every inch of my body shaking with nervousness. Then I'm taking him all over the city showing him everything and having an amazing time. Sunday after a compelling last sermon by Pastor Smith, we head out. It was quite the ride home. We got lost in almost every major city and I am almost convinced we took the scenic route through Indiana. It was such a learning experience. We had a blast. As I go through my first week back in Michigan, it has been a hard one. It has been full of emotions. It has been hard to adjust. So much goes through my mind. It is a challenge to apply the things that I've learned in Chattanooga here, because they are such different places. I pray that God convicts me here like he has in Tennessee. I pray that God gives me passion for Grand Rapids as much as he has given me a passion for Chattanooga. I pray that I can follow Him despite the challenges I face here and the questions of where my future is going. He has a plan and I have to trust. His ways are so much greater, so much more knowledgeable, and full of love.

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God, please may I not be like the seeds planted on the rocky soil, letting trouble and persecution allow me to fall away. And Lord, may I also not be like the seeds planted among the thorns, letting the worries, deceitfulness, and desires of this life choke out the word. Lord may I be the seeds planted on the good soil- producing your fruit.

This I pray Lord, that I may be yours.

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God of This City

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For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater things have yet to come

and greater things are still to be done in this city.

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Let me just say that I have fallen in love with Chattanooga, Tennessee... completely. It is so sad to say goodbye, but I know that it is the right thing for me right now. I can only hope that God will allow me another opportunity to live in such an awesome place! Everything about this city is beautiful- I'll miss the tree-covered mountains in the background, the many bridges spanning over the rivers, the great little downtown shops, amazing restaurants, people of every color, shape, size, and walks of life. I am truly blessed.

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Check out this little cutie that came to town for a few days. This is Sohee and me at Clumpie's ice-cream. Tara, Crew, and Sohee all came to Chattanooga for a couple days to spend time with Grandpa and Grandma. I'm having blast with these kids, they are amazing. :]

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My new obsession. The other day before my last day at work, I stopped in Barnes & Noble and picked up this book. It is so good. Can't put it down.

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Please keep me in your prayers as I prepare to make the trip back to Michigan on Sunday. Can't wait to see ya'll. :]

Beauty

So this summer has been quite the adventure. I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. There have been many days where I've been alone, lonely, and bored, but still I wouldn't trade those moments for anything else, because through them I've learned some pretty important things about myself. There have been many days where sitting in a coffeehouse writing has been the highlight of my day. If I could take MeanMug Coffeehouse with me to Michigan, I would. This amazing place not only has the best coffee and muffins, it has also served as a dwelling place, a sanctuary for my thoughts. There have also been days where going into work has been the highlight of my day. Just getting to talk with other people my age or putting my energy into work has been so satisfying. Going into the summer, I thought working in my favorite store would be the greatest thing ever... and really it has been a great experience. I've learned about retail and customer service, but I could not be more ready to leave my job. Getting only 18 hours a week has just left me way too much time on my hands with not enough to do. I wish I had looked for another part-time job earlier on, but I was told I would get more hours at the store. Working at the store has also been a huge temptation for me. It is difficult enough for me to be wise with my money, let alone working on the floor of your favorite store, watching all the new shipments come in. Third, I feel like I have to always be looking my best, always in a new, fashion-forward outfit... sometimes it feels like a competition with the other employees. Trust me, I love fashion, I love dressing up, I love new trends, but when you start spending hours getting ready and planning out your outfits and are constantly checking your reflection in the mirror to make sure everything is still in place- it kind of seems like something may be wrong with my priorities. Yeah, I want to look cute, and buy new clothes, but sometimes I just want to let my hair dry naturally, not apply makeup, and throw on jeans and a T-shirt. I think the devil knows that vanity is a huge struggle for me and he'll use whatever he can to make me think that it's more important than anything else- maybe even my job. He'll do anything he can to get inside my head and say that a physical impression means everything. Anyway, as I finally make up my mind to move back next week, I think back over the summer and think of the beauty God has put in my midst. I think of the beautiful people He has allowed me to have conversations and friendships with. I think of the beautiful places I've gone and the beautiful landscapes I've seen. I think of the beauty in diversity and culture. I think of the beauty in independence and choices and opportunities. And I think of the beautiful way God is working in my life each and every moment. May I always remember that beauty comes from within. Beauty comes from hands that reach out. Beauty comes from living a life pleasing to my creator. Beauty comes from trusting in His plan and not my own.

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"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30

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Someone that was in my biology class at GRCC posted this as his status the other day and I thought that it was completely and utterly beautiful, so I'm going to share it with you...

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"Just think, you're not here by chance, but by God's own choosing. His hand formed you and made you the person that you are. He compares you to NO one else, you are truly one of a kind. You lack nothing that His grace can not give you. He has allowed you to be here, in this moment of history, to fulfill his purpose for you. He loves you, no matter who or what you are. God's good plan included the joy of sharing life with you and watching you grow into all He has created you to be. Live life to the fullest and above all, live life in Christ's image."

Restless

Restless - Switchfoot

I am the sea on a moonless night,
Calling, falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless aching drops of light
I am the raindrop falling down,
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams,
Even in my dreams

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you

I am the thorn stuck in your side,
I am the one that you left behind,
I am the dried up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won’t run dry

Running hard for the other side
The world that I’ve always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of the saints and hypocrites

Oh blood of black and white and gray
Death and life and night and day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you

I can hear you breathing,
I can hear you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
The tide of tear and pain subside
Laughter drinks them dry

I’ll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I'm looking for you

I can feel you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you
I'm looking for you

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The Art of Conversation

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[Above is a collage of yesterday's goodness... The Camp House Schedule, two great passages I picked up at 'Planet Altered', The Thrift store card,  Jean's card, and my awesome bill! If you can, read the two little passages below... they are amazing.]

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So yesterday, my car was already ready to be picked up. :] And I was relieved when the bill was only $71. Praise God. This great mechanic didn't even charge me anything to look over Connie... I only got charged for the towing! So after I picked up Connie, I headed over to my favorite coffeehouse. After that I decided that it was just going to be one of those relaxing afternoons where I walk around and discover some other great places on main. So I went to an antique store, some little giftshops, and also The Mission. The Mission is an Anglican church in Chatt. that also has a coffee shop and thrift store. I have heard so much about how great The Mission is... I just had to stop in and see it. I talked to the lady working in the thriftstore for a while and she told me a little bit about the church and what they're all about. I really want to go to a service sometime and experience it for myself. After The Mission, I went to a place called 'Planet Altered' which is an art gallery/fair trades shop. The owner was super friendly and told me that each week she offers a different art-form/craft for between $2-4. This week her project was jewelry making. So I decided, what the heck... and made the great bracelet you see below. Basically the point was to go through magazines and cut out images that created a theme and glue them onto this metal bracelet and then glue a flat-back gem over top to magnify the image. I decided to write out the word love and go for a black and red type theme. It was so much fun and so relaxing to just do something artsy and talk to this great lady. I don't know what it is, but sometimes it's easier for me to talk to older ladies as opposed to women my own age... maybe it's because they are so wise, or maybe it's because I miss talking to my mom in person. Anyway, I told Jean (the owner) about my visit to Covenant on Thursday and told her about my life. After my bracelet dried, we ended up talking for a good half-hour about life in general, experiences, controversial topics, christianity, beliefs, and values. It was so much fun... she was full of wisdom. :] God has blessed me with some amazing people to have some amazing conversations with. He knows fully what I need. Jean wants me to stop back in after my visit to Covenant and tell her all about it. Isn't it great that a simple stop at a place can lead to great conversations with someone and a great new friend!?

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God Works In Weird Ways...

So after finally building up the energy and ambition to go out and find another part time job... I head out yesterday, but my car decides to get stuck downtown next to a meter, unable to start. The steering wheel completely locked up and would not budge in order for the key to start up Connie. I tried everything I could- jiggled the steering wheel for about ten minutes and then changed gears and put it back into park. Then I called out across the road to two guys sitting in a wrecky, old, work truck with a logo that read something about a foam insalation company on the side. I figured, hey, these hardworking, nice looking guys may know something about cars. So, as friendly and hospitable men of the south- they smiled and said, 'sure!' and headed over toward me. They repeated many of the same things I had tried for another ten minutes, and then tried other things like rocking my car back and forth and going under the hood. One of the guys even burned his hand reaching down deep into my engine. I felt terrible. After their efforts failed, I offered to buy them lunch, but they said it was okay. Then they asked if I needed a ride anywhere. Since I couldn't get ahold of Mari at the time, I said yes and hopped in their old work truck apologizing all the way to Mari's office. I talked to them a little about my story of moving to Chatt. and they apologized about not having air conditioning. I said that it was okay and I was used to it.

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So after a couple of frustrating conversations with my dad about the car, (seeing as he can't do much about it, because he's there and I'm here) we finally decided that towing would probably be the best option. But just in case something completely magical happened, Mari and I stopped by Connie one last time on the way to the mechanic to see if I could start her up. Nope. Nothing. So we drove on to the mechanic and told him about the situation. It just so happens that the woman working behind the desk had a question for Mari about how to get her daughter involved in Young Life, and there was also a guy there who talked to me about Covenant College. He said, "Have you ever considered Covenant?" and I said, "Yeah, I've considered it..." and he pretty much called the administrators and asked them if there were even any openings for the fall and if they had scholarship money left. They have both. So he gave me some numbers to call and told me that it wouldn't hurt to visit.

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Okay, I have no idea what God is trying to tell me through this whole expirience. Honestly, I think that I have it all figured out at times, until God says, "Nope... it's gonna happen my way..." I have been wanting to visit colleges so bad, but just haven't made the time to... I was too concerned about getting a second job and eventually getting my own place to live. But then this happens. I run into a guy super gung-ho about Covenant College! I just don't know how to explain how I feel right now. Exhausted for one. Gross and smelly after breaking into a sweat in my car. But most of all, just questioning, confused... what is God trying to tell me through all this? I pray that He reveals it to me. But right now I sit back and observe how God works in weird ways.
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So today I call the administration office at Covenant College... wish me luck and keep praying for me as I figure out my next move down here in Tennessee.

Steal Away...

Charleston, South Caroloina is a gorgeous place and I have the amazing opportunity to be there right now! What an amazing weekend it has been on the ocean in a rustic little beach bungalow right on the edge of the Atlantic Ocean with four amazing, God-fearing women. Let me tell you that when I first moved to Chattanooga, I never would have expected to spend a weekend in Charleston on the ocean. God has been so good... I am incredibly blessed. Despite getting burnt to a crisp, (as I always do) this weekend has been such a refreshing, rejuvenating, relaxing time to just unwind and steal away from Chattanooga. The weather is absolutely wonderful, hot with an amazing breeze that blows freely through the open screens and shutters to our cozy little cottage.

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This morning, the group gathered around in a circle on the porch to talk about what we want to get out of this weekend away. It was great to reflect on the different things:  to take time away from a busy schedule, to get relief from the stresses of life, to have great fellowship and conversations with one another, and to steal away with Jesus. It's amazing to be in such a beautiful place to dwell in God's presence, his creation, and listen to what He is speaking into our hearts.

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So far, we have already had some great conversations. This morning, we each wrote down 10 things we love and 10 things that we struggle with or tear our hearts apart. This list made us think about how we can use the things we love to help us with our struggles, or how God can use the things we enjoy to bring justice to things that break our hearts. I think some of the top ones on all of our lists were- LOVE: great conversations, hanging out with friends, and family. STRUGGLES & HEARTBREAKS: forgiveness, worry, and discrimination. How do we achieve the things we love and how do we cope with the hardships of life? Only with God's help can we go through our lists in life and prioritize them according to His will. Only by His help can we make it through the struggles and things that break our hearts. Only he can show us how to love the unloveable. Only he can show us how to forgive. Only He can bring justice to those who have been treated unjustly. Only he can relieve us from our stresses and anxiety. He has given us friends, family, and relationships with people who we can have great conversations with... who speak truths into our lives. He has also given us His Spirit. He has given us opportunities to talk with him, to steal away... to bring to him our burdens and our sorrows and the stresses of everyday life. He has given us His peace.
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"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from men or seen in me-- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." - Philipians 4:4-9
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's learning to dance in the rain." - unknown

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Two Months

So I've been living in Tennessee for two months now and it has just been the greatest experience ever! I wouldn't trade this opportunity for anything. I have learned so much about God, others, and myself. It's like this book that is constantly being written. There are new challenges, new people, new opportunities, and new blessings waiting to be revealed with the flip of every page. Some days it's tough to keep on flipping the pages because the book is so boring or slow or sad, but other times I can hardly wait to see what comes next, because so much is happening, so much is changing- I realize something life changing and just want to know how it affects the rest of the story. One thing that I can definitely take away from this experience is God's complete and utter faithfulness. Throughout the sands of time He has been faithful and He continues to be in my life today. I will tell all who read this blog without a doubt- Jesus has been with me every step of my journey and I could never have done it without Him. I will testify to His great faithfulness.

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There are just a couple books alongside the bible that completely changed the way I look at life. The first is the 'Blue Book'. The 'Blue Book' is a Young-Life infused book full of great quotes from books, philosophers, and theologians that connect with daily passages from the Holy Bible. My Aunt Mari gave me this book the first night I parked my two suitcases in her spare bedroom and my butt on her couch... and I have honestly never been the same. This book gets you excited about God's word... about life. It glues the missing pieces together to give you a clear picture of life with God. The second book is actually a book written by Rob Bell. Now I know the controversies with Rob Bell amongst the Christian Reformers, but this book was written before 'Love Wins' and actually explains the Old Testament being fulfilled in the New Testament and paints a beautiful picture of God's faithfulness throughout so many generations. The book is called 'Jesus Wants to Save Christians'. Honestly, I read this book in like two days because it was so good. I wish I had a copy that I could quote from. The book just tells the story of the Israelites wandering and how God brought out His faithfulness through years and years of struggle. I find myself wandering so many times. Honestly, I think I'm able to go about this thing called life on my own, only to realize my imperfections and find myself running straight back into the loving arms of my savior. The third book is a book I'm reading right now that I actually just started reading last night. I can't say it has changed my life yet, since I'm only one chapter in, but it has some great quotes about faithfulness. The book is called '66 Love Letters' and I'm borrowing it from a great, God-fearing woman named Tanisha, whom I am so blessed to have met. The book is basically a rewrite of all the books of the bible written in love letter form, so it's like God is writing to you personally. So anyways, I'm going to stop with my book review portion of my blog :P and share a great quote from '66 Love Letters.'

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"... I want you to realize that I never underestimated how thoroughly you'd mess up your life or how painfully you would struggle and suffer, and I don't want you to underestimate your failures or struggles either. They're all part of the story I'm telling.

But neither have I underestimated My determination or ability to enter the mess you've made and the pain you feel and turn everything around. I can, and I will, make everything good again. Never, never underestimate Me. I have a plan, a very good one, and it will move ahead to completion. Guarenteed! Trust Me. Why? Because I love you even when you're messing up badly. I love you in the middle of your pain even though I don't relieve it as quickly as you wish. I am worthy of your trust, no matter what happens in your life. I have a good plan, and nothing will stop Me from carrying it to completion. You must live now in the tension between anguish and hope." ~ (66 Love Letters by Dr. Larry Crabb)

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Never Underestimate My Jesus - Reliant K

Am I at the Point of no improvement?

What of the death I still dwell in?

I try to excel, but I feel no movement.

Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never Underestimate my Jesus.

You're telling me that there's no hope.

I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus

When the world around you crumbles

He will be strong, He will be strong.

I throw up my hands

"Oh, the impossibilities"

Frustrated and tired

where do I go from here?

Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly

Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear.

Never Underestimate my Jesus.

You're telling me that there's no hope

I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus

When the world around you crumbles

He will be strong, He will be strong.

I think I can't, I think I can't

But I think you can, I think you can

I think I can't, I think I can't

But I think you can, I think you can.

Gather my insufficiencies and

place them in your hands,

place them in your hands,

place them in your hands.

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Thanks again for all the prayers! I have felt every single one and can't thank all ya'll enough! Right now I'm wondering what is next for me. I really want to stay living in Tennessee! I have been kind of looking at different jobs; either an additional part-time job or a full time job. Please pray that if it is God's will for me to stay down here, he will provide everything I need in order to do so. I have also been talking to my small group girls about a potential house that we would rent. I have the roommates and the potential house to live in, now I just need to find a job that will be enough to support the lifestyle. I pray for God's faithfulness and trust that if He is calling me to stay here in Chatt., things will just fall into place in His time.

Vision

So I don't think I've ever had a vision from God so direct as I did last night. God is so powerful, it is somewhat scary, but amazing all at the same time. When people talked about having visions or having God speak to them directly, I kind of thought they were crazy. I know yesterday my post was all about hearing Gods voice, but I have never heard it the way that I heard it last night. It makes me just want to sing and cry all at the same time. It was so powerful.

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So I saw a ministry in Chattanooga. This ministry was one that reached out into the community and allowed people from all walks of life to come and enjoy each others company. To discover a new, zest for life. It was so beautiful. There was more to the vision that I'm not going to write about on here, but it was just so powerful. After a day of complete aloneness and silence... God spoke and he spoke louder than ever before. Maybe it's because I finally had ears to hear his voice.

Silence

"Let us labor for an inward stillness,

An inward stillness and an inward healing,

That perfect silence where the lips and heart are still

And we no longer entertain our own imperfect thought and vain opinions,

But God above speaks in us,

And we wait in singleness of heart,

That we may know His will,

And in our silence of our spirit that he may do His will,

And do that only..."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Silence makes so many people uncomfortable. It makes us uncomfortable because it forces us to delve inside all of our hopes and fears and face them head-on. Silence makes us aware, it makes us think and confess. It is a rare thing to be silent in 2012. We like the company of a friend close-by or the constant ring of our cellphones indicating a text or incoming call to remind us that we are thought of or loved. I have to admit, I have a hard time with silence. Yeah, I spend a lot of time alone at coffeehouses writing and reading, but even then, there is usually the quiet hum of music in the background. Last night at work, while we were closing, the visual team came in to finish arranging the new floor-set. Usually while closing, we don't have any music playing- only the sounds of each others voices or the sound of metal hangers sliding across the racks. But since the merchandisers were planning on being there until about four in the morning, they decided to set up a boom box. It was so nice having music to close to and made the time go so much faster. But why is this? Why do we feel a constant need to fill the quiet with noise? Why are we so scared of silence? Are we scared to hear God's voice? Are we scared of what He might say to us?

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I had a conversation with someone once who never really took time to hear the voice of God. Finally, he prayed that God would speak to him. God did speak to him, but when he heard the voice and heard what God wanted him to do... he got scared. He wasn't ready and willing to listen to what God was telling him to do. He wanted God to speak, but only to speak things that he wanted to hear. I think this is probably why so many of us avoid silence- we don't want to be spoken to. We are scared to risk losing all control over our lives. We want God, but don't want him to have it all.

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It all comes back to trust. Here I am again, writing about trusting God. I guess I write about it, because it is one of my biggest struggles and I have to constantly remind myself I am not in control. If I'm going to really let God speak to me, I have to be ready and willing to hear anything he has to say. I can't hold back, I can't bargain with God, or only give him a little bit of this and a little bit of that. No, I want God to have it all... as hard as that might sound.

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"No wonder it's easy at times for us females (and males) to approach God and try to bargain with Him. In our hearts, we know that He knows what's best for us, yet we tend to be concerned with what the whole "deal" looks like. Sometimes the fear of not knowing everything He has planned keeps us from giving our dreams to Him. We may not say these words, but we may be thinking them: God, I'll do this if You'll do this. I'll give You this if You'll give it back to me the way I want it. He's the Lord of the universe, yet sometimes we act as if we can manipulate Him! But God already knows our human ways. And He wants more than that when we approach Him in prayer." (PURE, Bargaining With God by Rebecca St. James)

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So 'What's it gonna take to slow us down, to let the silence spin us around? What's it gonna take to drop this town? We've been spinning at the speed of sound.'

Whatever it is that will make you turn off the stereo, the TV, the cellphone, the computer, the iPod or anything else that hinders you from being still in silence- find it and embrace it, because "The world will confuse you. Silence will speak more to you in a day than the world of voices can teach you in a lifetime. Find silence. Find solitude- and having discovered her riches, bind her to your heart." (Find Solitude, Come Away My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts)

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"Word of God speak

Would you pour down like rain

Washing my eyes to see

Your majesty

To be still and know

That you're in this place

Please let me stay and rest

in your holiness

Word of God speak."

-mercyme

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Unloveable

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Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth is 'ugly.' It is depressing being reminded by friends and family of the 'ugly truth.' I suppose that is what they are here to do though; to hold you accountable, to make sure you're living to your fullest potential and that you're following through with everything you had promised. This past week I was reminded of a promise I had made to someone that I had broken. I told someone I would try, work hard, and give everything I had to make a situation work and I didn't. I didn't want to try. I was exhausted from trying and just wanted to live without the stress of trying to 'make amends' with the 'enemy.' I felt like I had done nothing wrong and that I was not the one to blame- so I walked away. Sometimes it is so much easier to hate, to put no effort into loving someone who may seem unloveable. This is one of my biggest struggles. Often when confronted with a difficult situation, I run away- leaving behind the people I care about because I wasn't willing to give it my all and try to work it out with the 'enemy.' I often can't see past 'goliath' standing in the way... when peace is right on the other side.

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I have a problem with forgiveness. It is hard for me to 'Let Go and Let God.' For some reason it is in me to hold onto bitterness, hate, jealousy, envy, or hostility. I guess it gives me a sense of control. Since I'm mad or bitter toward someone- I feel some sort of power over the enemy, when in reality, they are the ones holding the key to my emotions.
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My heart needs renewal. My heart needs to be revived. In order that I may view the truth with thankfulness- no matter how ugly or challenging. To be able to tackle my challenges with perseverance instead of forgoing them. Something within my very soul needs to remind me of an innocent, perfect, man dying on a cross with nails pounded into his hands and feet, and blood running down his sides for me. Something in me has to feel a Love so deep and so wide and so high and so long... an incomprehensible love that knows no end. How could the Mighty King lay down His life for a sinner, a jealous, envious, bitter person who by nature despises Him and leads Him to death? 'How great is the love the Father lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!' How Great. His Love is so BIG... it covers me and it covers you. He does not treat us how our sins should be treated. There is a love so deep and evident, and yet I have a problem loving my brothers and sisters.
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I saw the musical 'Godspell' yesterday with my aunt. Although this musical is supposedly controversial or maybe even sacreligious- I was reminded of some great teachings Jesus preached. One of those comes from Matthew 6, where He basically says that if you can't forgive someone who wronged you, how is the Father in Heaven going to forgive your sins? Lets just say it hit home for me.
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So why is it so hard to forget grudges and stay in the bondage of bitterness? There is a God that sees me every second of my life. He knows my secrets, my thoughts, my feelings and loves me despite. But I have to be willing to love those around me the way He loves me. No matter how unloveable a person is, I have to love them because He loves me! They are part of His kingdom- He created them, and He created me to love them.
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"The House of God stretches from one corner of the universe to the other. Sea monsters and ostriches live in it, along with people who pray in languages I do not speak, whose names I will never know. I am not in charge of this House, and never will be. I have no say about who is in and who is out. I do not get to make the rules. Like Job, I was nowhere when God laid the foundations of the earth. I cannot bind the chains of the Plieades or loose the cords of Orion. I do not even know when the mountain goats give birth, much less the ordinances of the heavens. I am guest here, charged with serving other guests- even those who present themselves as my enemies. I am aloud to resist them, but as long as I trust in one God who made us all, I cannot act as if they are no kin to me. There is only one house. Human beings will either live in it together or we will not survive to hear its sigh of relief when our numbered days are done." (An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor)
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I think of the south in Martin Luther King Jr.'s day. How far we've come and thank goodness! But there was a time when racism, discrimination, and segregation were a part of everyday life. African Americans were treated like property or animals and were separated from the rest of society without thought. There was so much hate, so much bitterness built up between the races, yet Martin Luther King Jr. preached on loving your enemies. This amazes me. Think of how the blacks were treated and yet he still preached on love, because that is what the bible clearly says to do.
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"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.
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Yesterday, Pastor Smith preached yet another great, inspiring sermon about God's Spirit dwelling among us and living in us. He breathes life into our dead bones and gives us the power to live according to His ways. It is impossible to live the life intended for us without this spirit. Pastor Smith talked about having a faith that isn't passage, but active. He has a dream for the church to be more than just a group of people that get together in a building every Sunday, but to be involved, to reach out, to love one another. How can we be a church if we are not loving? But we can't do this on our own! We have to pray that we won't just pass opportunities by to love, to forgive, and to reach out. This is God's command for us! We have to pray that He gives us the Spirit in order to love the way He intended us to. We, by sinful, human nature have it in us to hate, to be jealous, envious, and bitter. But by His incredible Spirit, we are given the capability to Love.

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This passage is one of the most challenging verses, but I pray that God gives me the strength to love like this...

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement: In this world we are like Jesus. there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister." 1 John 4:7-21

Family

Man, it feels good to update my blog again. It seems like so long ago that I last updated. There has just been so much going on over the past week. My family came down and spent the week down in Chattanooga. It was great to see them again and show them around my new home. But between coordinating the week's events and work, I haven't had a whole lot of time to just be by myself and write. On Tuesday afternoon, the big white truck pulled onto Claremont Court and out came my two brothers and my mom and dad. How I missed seeing them so much! We started off by going downtown and walking the bridge and doing some shopping. At night, I took them all the La Altena, a Mexican restaurant on Main for some dinner, then we all headed to Hamilton Place, because my dad wanted to see where I worked. Wednesday, I took my mom out in the morning for a girls day out with some coffee and window- shopping. My dad and the boys headed over to Ruby Falls- they absolutely loved it and had such a great time on the zip-lines and obstacle courses. I had to work at night, so by the time I got home I was exhausted and everyone was already in bed. Thursday, we all headed to Dollywood for a fun-filled day of rides and shows. It was so great to go away like this with the family because we haven't done it in so long. I just missed Amanda and Jon and wished they could have been there too. Friday, my dad and Devin delivered donuts to Joe and saw where he worked while my Mom, Heath, and I went out for coffee and a walk around the art district and the bridge. In the afternoon, I made lunch for everybody, and then we all headed downtown again so I could surprise Heath with paddle boarding. It was soooo much fun! What a great adventure! It was also super easy, I only fell once when I got caught on a log under the water. I want to do this every friday now because it's only $12 for college students! At night, we went out for some Sweet Ceces and got soaked in the fountain. Then we headed up Signal Mountain to the Mountain Opry- I think my dad really enjoyed it a lot. Such a great, fun-filled week!
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[this was the highlight of their week]

My Life Is In Your Hands

"Lord, I am yours; I do yield myself up entirely to you, and I believe that you do take me. I leave myself with you. Work in me all the good pleasure of your will, and I will only lie still in your hands and trust you. Amen"(The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah Whitall Smith)

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Do you ever just go out and watch people and listen to their conversations? I know this maybe sounds creeper-ish, but it is so interesting. There are so many different types of people out there, all with different personalities, different dreams, different hopes and fears... and each with a different story. Since I've been down here, I've had a lot of alone time- time to go out and think, listen, and just figure out myself and other people. It's so great to discover different ways of life. One place that I've recently discovered is this great coffee shop on Main street. (This is where I'm writing from right now.) I come here often by myself when I'm not working, and just think, read, write, or listen. I love the atmosphere of this place- it's one of those awesome hipster places that's super layed-back with quiet chill music playing in the background. Just a great place to come and think and listen, even try and hear what God is saying. But the people are just amazing to me. Such diversity! So many different walks of life are represented in this place. I don't know any of them by name... I don't know any of their stories. So I wonder who they are... what are their lives like?

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Anyway, as I sit and observe and listen, I think to myself, 'How many of these people love the life they're living? What are they living for? They have to be living for something or someone... what is it? Where do their priorities lie? Are they happy?

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"We tend to use God instead of seek him. We want God to do our bidding more than we want him." (When the Pieces Don't Fit by Glaphre Gilliland)

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I guess the reason I think these things is because I can't imagine my life without God. I've tried so many times to go my own way. Yeah, I said I believed and was a Christian, but I didn't really live it. I had zero trust. My faith was so little. I wanted God in my life, but I still wanted to run it. I do not want to go back to this person ever! I was living a miserable life- where in my mind I had my life planned out, how I wanted it to go. Maybe this sounds great to you... maybe it sounds amazing to run your own life, but it is the most depressing, fearful, anxious life you could ever live. You go to sleep at night worrying if what you have planned for the next day is really going to go the way you want. You try to control the actions of everyone around you for your own benefit, but really you end up losing the people you really care about. I don't ever want to lose the people I love again due to my selfish, fearful living. I want to live with purpose, only listening to God's voice. I want to go to bed each night knowing that the next day will come if God wants it to and He will allow what he wants to happen to happen. I want to wake up every morning in awe of his mercies that never fail- 'they are new every morning because he loves me that much! Great is his faithfulness!' Why would I ever live for myself knowing this? Yeah, I live in a selfish, sinful place and I struggle every single day. I have control issues. I have to constantly tell myself I am not in control! And let me tell you, this life is way too complex for any human being to control- I don't care how smart or wise you are... we are incapable of such a task. God is Supreme- he can control it... he will control it! To me, this is probably the most refreshing thing, because it means I can just sit back and enjoy the ride that God has planned for me.

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"Whatever the great human enterprise currently in hand, the point is to watch. All the rest is agenda. Seeking the kingdom is the essential integer." (And the Trees Clap Their Hands by Virginia Stem Owens)
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So as I look around this coffeehouse, I wonder how many people are running their own life. I look at the business men reviewing paperwork with one another, I look at the moms out for a relaxing lunch by themselves, I look at the quiet college student studying intently in the corner, I listen as an interview is being conducted behind me... and wonder where are these people. It is my prayer that each one of them knows or come to know a life that is so worth living.

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"He can't be used as a road. If you're approaching Him not as a goal, but as a road, not as the end, but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all."(A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis)

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I've just been so inspired by Pastor Smith so far at New City. He is a great man who speaks the truth about the gospel and really touches the hearts of the whole congregation. Yesterday, he continued on his sermon on Supremacy. God is creator of all things... all things need his saving! All creation needs his saving! And because of His great love for us, he wiped away our selfishness, our wanting to live for ourselves and views us as blameless, not blame-able. Wow. By his precious blood- we are saved. How incredible. How am I going to respond to this love? I hope to accept it with overflowing thankfulness in my heart. I hope to live my life for the one who died for me. I want to be hot for God... because there is no lukewarm. You're either in or you're out. There is no in-between. I can't say I'm in but only give a little piece of my life over to God. I want to be all in! I want to let him drive the bus or fly the plane, because I want to see everything He has in store for me.

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Today at work my uncle Dale broke his ankle. :[ He was walking at a job site and fell into a hole in the ground, drove himself to the emergency room and had everything checked out. Despite the bad news, my aunt and uncle were talking tonight at supper that it was good timing and that they're glad it didn't happen when they were going to go to Michigan. Way to look at the positive side of things! Just please pray for him as he recovers and may need to have surgery. It is a huge life change as of right now for him and my aunt, because they are so active around the community and love to go walking after Dinner every night. It's really sad that he won't be able to do all the fun things we're going to do when my family is down here, but I'm sure we will all still have a great time! Please also pray for my family as they are on their way down right now and I am so excited to spend a week with them in Chatt. I can't wait to show them around this awesome city and my new life. Thanks again for all your support and prayers- I can feel them all!

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(Had a great time making dinner tonight for my aunt and uncle... been wanting to try this recipe out for a long time!)