Sunset

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I never knew that sitting atop Lookout Mountain on Saturday night, watching the sunset would have represented such a great symbol in my life. Here I was, saying goodbye to this place that I love. I was watching the sunset for the last time, closing in on this wonderful chapter of my life. I watched the sun sneak behind the mountain, taking in the last few warm rays of Tennessee, and leaning in close to the man who loves me enough to travel a couple hundred miles to see me and take me home.

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I have never felt so many emotions in one week. One second I am going out for supper with my small group down in Chatt. at Taco Mamacita, joking around and having a great time, next I'm picking Justin up from the shuttle station with every inch of my body shaking with nervousness. Then I'm taking him all over the city showing him everything and having an amazing time. Sunday after a compelling last sermon by Pastor Smith, we head out. It was quite the ride home. We got lost in almost every major city and I am almost convinced we took the scenic route through Indiana. It was such a learning experience. We had a blast. As I go through my first week back in Michigan, it has been a hard one. It has been full of emotions. It has been hard to adjust. So much goes through my mind. It is a challenge to apply the things that I've learned in Chattanooga here, because they are such different places. I pray that God convicts me here like he has in Tennessee. I pray that God gives me passion for Grand Rapids as much as he has given me a passion for Chattanooga. I pray that I can follow Him despite the challenges I face here and the questions of where my future is going. He has a plan and I have to trust. His ways are so much greater, so much more knowledgeable, and full of love.

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God, please may I not be like the seeds planted on the rocky soil, letting trouble and persecution allow me to fall away. And Lord, may I also not be like the seeds planted among the thorns, letting the worries, deceitfulness, and desires of this life choke out the word. Lord may I be the seeds planted on the good soil- producing your fruit.

This I pray Lord, that I may be yours.

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God of This City

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For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater things have yet to come

and greater things are still to be done in this city.

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Let me just say that I have fallen in love with Chattanooga, Tennessee... completely. It is so sad to say goodbye, but I know that it is the right thing for me right now. I can only hope that God will allow me another opportunity to live in such an awesome place! Everything about this city is beautiful- I'll miss the tree-covered mountains in the background, the many bridges spanning over the rivers, the great little downtown shops, amazing restaurants, people of every color, shape, size, and walks of life. I am truly blessed.

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Check out this little cutie that came to town for a few days. This is Sohee and me at Clumpie's ice-cream. Tara, Crew, and Sohee all came to Chattanooga for a couple days to spend time with Grandpa and Grandma. I'm having blast with these kids, they are amazing. :]

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My new obsession. The other day before my last day at work, I stopped in Barnes & Noble and picked up this book. It is so good. Can't put it down.

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Please keep me in your prayers as I prepare to make the trip back to Michigan on Sunday. Can't wait to see ya'll. :]

Beauty

So this summer has been quite the adventure. I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. There have been many days where I've been alone, lonely, and bored, but still I wouldn't trade those moments for anything else, because through them I've learned some pretty important things about myself. There have been many days where sitting in a coffeehouse writing has been the highlight of my day. If I could take MeanMug Coffeehouse with me to Michigan, I would. This amazing place not only has the best coffee and muffins, it has also served as a dwelling place, a sanctuary for my thoughts. There have also been days where going into work has been the highlight of my day. Just getting to talk with other people my age or putting my energy into work has been so satisfying. Going into the summer, I thought working in my favorite store would be the greatest thing ever... and really it has been a great experience. I've learned about retail and customer service, but I could not be more ready to leave my job. Getting only 18 hours a week has just left me way too much time on my hands with not enough to do. I wish I had looked for another part-time job earlier on, but I was told I would get more hours at the store. Working at the store has also been a huge temptation for me. It is difficult enough for me to be wise with my money, let alone working on the floor of your favorite store, watching all the new shipments come in. Third, I feel like I have to always be looking my best, always in a new, fashion-forward outfit... sometimes it feels like a competition with the other employees. Trust me, I love fashion, I love dressing up, I love new trends, but when you start spending hours getting ready and planning out your outfits and are constantly checking your reflection in the mirror to make sure everything is still in place- it kind of seems like something may be wrong with my priorities. Yeah, I want to look cute, and buy new clothes, but sometimes I just want to let my hair dry naturally, not apply makeup, and throw on jeans and a T-shirt. I think the devil knows that vanity is a huge struggle for me and he'll use whatever he can to make me think that it's more important than anything else- maybe even my job. He'll do anything he can to get inside my head and say that a physical impression means everything. Anyway, as I finally make up my mind to move back next week, I think back over the summer and think of the beauty God has put in my midst. I think of the beautiful people He has allowed me to have conversations and friendships with. I think of the beautiful places I've gone and the beautiful landscapes I've seen. I think of the beauty in diversity and culture. I think of the beauty in independence and choices and opportunities. And I think of the beautiful way God is working in my life each and every moment. May I always remember that beauty comes from within. Beauty comes from hands that reach out. Beauty comes from living a life pleasing to my creator. Beauty comes from trusting in His plan and not my own.

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"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30

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Someone that was in my biology class at GRCC posted this as his status the other day and I thought that it was completely and utterly beautiful, so I'm going to share it with you...

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"Just think, you're not here by chance, but by God's own choosing. His hand formed you and made you the person that you are. He compares you to NO one else, you are truly one of a kind. You lack nothing that His grace can not give you. He has allowed you to be here, in this moment of history, to fulfill his purpose for you. He loves you, no matter who or what you are. God's good plan included the joy of sharing life with you and watching you grow into all He has created you to be. Live life to the fullest and above all, live life in Christ's image."

Restless

Restless - Switchfoot

I am the sea on a moonless night,
Calling, falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless aching drops of light
I am the raindrop falling down,
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams,
Even in my dreams

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you

I am the thorn stuck in your side,
I am the one that you left behind,
I am the dried up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won’t run dry

Running hard for the other side
The world that I’ve always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of the saints and hypocrites

Oh blood of black and white and gray
Death and life and night and day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you

I can hear you breathing,
I can hear you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
The tide of tear and pain subside
Laughter drinks them dry

I’ll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I'm looking for you

I can feel you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you
I'm looking for you

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The Art of Conversation

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[Above is a collage of yesterday's goodness... The Camp House Schedule, two great passages I picked up at 'Planet Altered', The Thrift store card,  Jean's card, and my awesome bill! If you can, read the two little passages below... they are amazing.]

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So yesterday, my car was already ready to be picked up. :] And I was relieved when the bill was only $71. Praise God. This great mechanic didn't even charge me anything to look over Connie... I only got charged for the towing! So after I picked up Connie, I headed over to my favorite coffeehouse. After that I decided that it was just going to be one of those relaxing afternoons where I walk around and discover some other great places on main. So I went to an antique store, some little giftshops, and also The Mission. The Mission is an Anglican church in Chatt. that also has a coffee shop and thrift store. I have heard so much about how great The Mission is... I just had to stop in and see it. I talked to the lady working in the thriftstore for a while and she told me a little bit about the church and what they're all about. I really want to go to a service sometime and experience it for myself. After The Mission, I went to a place called 'Planet Altered' which is an art gallery/fair trades shop. The owner was super friendly and told me that each week she offers a different art-form/craft for between $2-4. This week her project was jewelry making. So I decided, what the heck... and made the great bracelet you see below. Basically the point was to go through magazines and cut out images that created a theme and glue them onto this metal bracelet and then glue a flat-back gem over top to magnify the image. I decided to write out the word love and go for a black and red type theme. It was so much fun and so relaxing to just do something artsy and talk to this great lady. I don't know what it is, but sometimes it's easier for me to talk to older ladies as opposed to women my own age... maybe it's because they are so wise, or maybe it's because I miss talking to my mom in person. Anyway, I told Jean (the owner) about my visit to Covenant on Thursday and told her about my life. After my bracelet dried, we ended up talking for a good half-hour about life in general, experiences, controversial topics, christianity, beliefs, and values. It was so much fun... she was full of wisdom. :] God has blessed me with some amazing people to have some amazing conversations with. He knows fully what I need. Jean wants me to stop back in after my visit to Covenant and tell her all about it. Isn't it great that a simple stop at a place can lead to great conversations with someone and a great new friend!?

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God Works In Weird Ways...

So after finally building up the energy and ambition to go out and find another part time job... I head out yesterday, but my car decides to get stuck downtown next to a meter, unable to start. The steering wheel completely locked up and would not budge in order for the key to start up Connie. I tried everything I could- jiggled the steering wheel for about ten minutes and then changed gears and put it back into park. Then I called out across the road to two guys sitting in a wrecky, old, work truck with a logo that read something about a foam insalation company on the side. I figured, hey, these hardworking, nice looking guys may know something about cars. So, as friendly and hospitable men of the south- they smiled and said, 'sure!' and headed over toward me. They repeated many of the same things I had tried for another ten minutes, and then tried other things like rocking my car back and forth and going under the hood. One of the guys even burned his hand reaching down deep into my engine. I felt terrible. After their efforts failed, I offered to buy them lunch, but they said it was okay. Then they asked if I needed a ride anywhere. Since I couldn't get ahold of Mari at the time, I said yes and hopped in their old work truck apologizing all the way to Mari's office. I talked to them a little about my story of moving to Chatt. and they apologized about not having air conditioning. I said that it was okay and I was used to it.

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So after a couple of frustrating conversations with my dad about the car, (seeing as he can't do much about it, because he's there and I'm here) we finally decided that towing would probably be the best option. But just in case something completely magical happened, Mari and I stopped by Connie one last time on the way to the mechanic to see if I could start her up. Nope. Nothing. So we drove on to the mechanic and told him about the situation. It just so happens that the woman working behind the desk had a question for Mari about how to get her daughter involved in Young Life, and there was also a guy there who talked to me about Covenant College. He said, "Have you ever considered Covenant?" and I said, "Yeah, I've considered it..." and he pretty much called the administrators and asked them if there were even any openings for the fall and if they had scholarship money left. They have both. So he gave me some numbers to call and told me that it wouldn't hurt to visit.

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Okay, I have no idea what God is trying to tell me through this whole expirience. Honestly, I think that I have it all figured out at times, until God says, "Nope... it's gonna happen my way..." I have been wanting to visit colleges so bad, but just haven't made the time to... I was too concerned about getting a second job and eventually getting my own place to live. But then this happens. I run into a guy super gung-ho about Covenant College! I just don't know how to explain how I feel right now. Exhausted for one. Gross and smelly after breaking into a sweat in my car. But most of all, just questioning, confused... what is God trying to tell me through all this? I pray that He reveals it to me. But right now I sit back and observe how God works in weird ways.
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So today I call the administration office at Covenant College... wish me luck and keep praying for me as I figure out my next move down here in Tennessee.

Steal Away...

Charleston, South Caroloina is a gorgeous place and I have the amazing opportunity to be there right now! What an amazing weekend it has been on the ocean in a rustic little beach bungalow right on the edge of the Atlantic Ocean with four amazing, God-fearing women. Let me tell you that when I first moved to Chattanooga, I never would have expected to spend a weekend in Charleston on the ocean. God has been so good... I am incredibly blessed. Despite getting burnt to a crisp, (as I always do) this weekend has been such a refreshing, rejuvenating, relaxing time to just unwind and steal away from Chattanooga. The weather is absolutely wonderful, hot with an amazing breeze that blows freely through the open screens and shutters to our cozy little cottage.

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This morning, the group gathered around in a circle on the porch to talk about what we want to get out of this weekend away. It was great to reflect on the different things:  to take time away from a busy schedule, to get relief from the stresses of life, to have great fellowship and conversations with one another, and to steal away with Jesus. It's amazing to be in such a beautiful place to dwell in God's presence, his creation, and listen to what He is speaking into our hearts.

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So far, we have already had some great conversations. This morning, we each wrote down 10 things we love and 10 things that we struggle with or tear our hearts apart. This list made us think about how we can use the things we love to help us with our struggles, or how God can use the things we enjoy to bring justice to things that break our hearts. I think some of the top ones on all of our lists were- LOVE: great conversations, hanging out with friends, and family. STRUGGLES & HEARTBREAKS: forgiveness, worry, and discrimination. How do we achieve the things we love and how do we cope with the hardships of life? Only with God's help can we go through our lists in life and prioritize them according to His will. Only by His help can we make it through the struggles and things that break our hearts. Only he can show us how to love the unloveable. Only he can show us how to forgive. Only He can bring justice to those who have been treated unjustly. Only he can relieve us from our stresses and anxiety. He has given us friends, family, and relationships with people who we can have great conversations with... who speak truths into our lives. He has also given us His Spirit. He has given us opportunities to talk with him, to steal away... to bring to him our burdens and our sorrows and the stresses of everyday life. He has given us His peace.
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"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from men or seen in me-- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." - Philipians 4:4-9
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's learning to dance in the rain." - unknown

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